The Secrets of a Happy Life. Homeschooling or Otherwise

It was spring and the days were getting longer. The sunshine seemed to bring with it healing energy - streaming in through our windows to wake us, inviting us outdoors and then warming us when we stepped into the light.

It had been two months since we disenrolled Tigger from public school and we were beginning to see him come back to his normal self. Over the course of six months he had completely changed from a happy and curious child to outwardly depressed, stressed, and lethargic. His zest for life and learning had been drained away by well-meaning but uninformed, distrustful, and overworked educators.

Back in the caring and self-directed learning environment of our home, he was slowly but steadily rediscovering his love of learning. And there was no more striking evidence of it than the day he picked up a book again.

The springtime sun was setting and we were moving toward bedtime. As I walked up the stairs to join my husband and our five year old daughter, I gazed over the banister. What I saw made my heart jump into my throat. Sitting below me was my son with a book in his lap.

That moment was big. In that moment I realized that he had not picked up a book of his own volition in five months. At once, I felt overjoyed that he was drawn back to books and furious that his love for reading had been poached.

In the weeks and months that followed that special moment, I made some important decisions that have allowed me to focus more on happiness in homeschooling instead of the anger toward the situation of how we got here.

1. Manage Expectations

How are your expectations formed?

Mine are not formed in a vacuum. Opinions from family, friends, doctors, and other professionals have shaped my expectations for what parenthood and childhood should look like. When and how to breastfeed, potty train, sleep train, discipline, educate, travel with, feed, buy pets for, socialize, et cetera, et cetera.

Social media doesn't help matters. Memes about young children doing chores, mothers taking care of themselves, and amazing fathers sometimes make me feel, well, feelings. Depending on which memes I see on any given day or in any given hour can play tricks with my self-esteem. I have thought "I'm doing too much for them!" as much as "I'm not doing enough!" and sometimes both of those thoughts in the same breath. Never mind seeing how amazing my mom friends are who have paying jobs that take them out of the house, children who don't stim and who aren't overexcitable, and self-confidence to boot. Comparing myself to anyone on social media only skews my sense of reality and what are realistic expectations that are right for my family.

My best ally in knowing what is right for my family is, and always has been, my Intuition. She (yes, I'm referring to Intuition as "she") has never been wrong. She has always paid attention, even when I haven't. She knows what is coming, what is happening, and truth in matters before I acknowledge things concretely.

In order to recognize and enjoy the happy moments in the day I have had to dig deep and re-set my expectations for a lot of things.

• I don't expect my son to sit much. He does jumping jacks when he practices spelling. He paces at our homeschool Minecraft group when the children come together to summarize their work at the end of the event. Together, we go on "Walk-and-Talk"s to flesh out his ideas for composition.
• I don't expect to sneak work in during the day. The day goes smoother when I rest during my down time instead of write. (It minimizes the likelihood that I will be interrupted.)
• I don't expect that we will have a breakthrough with my son's self-care. It will be something we work on together and will require a LOT of scaffolding on my part, like this. (As an added bonus, it will fall under "Home Economics.")
• I do expect to have leisurely days.
• I do expect to be flexible, democratic, and meet our needs on a daily basis.
• I do expect to have a routine that works for us all - my need to plan and check things off my list, my son's need to learn what interests him, and my daughter's need to work at her own drawn out pace.
• I expect academic learning to grow organically from our life experiences.
• I do expect some days to be hard for one of us, or all of us, and on those days we can curl up together and watch movies all day, eat ice cream for lunch and pancakes for dinner.

That entire list is formed entirely from my intuition, my knowledge of my family, and not a lick from what society tells me I should or should not be doing. And the reason I know my expectations are reasonable are because I have slowed down and taken the time to pay attention to myself, my children, my husband, and our life together.

2. Slow Down

When I first got married I always had WAY MORE on my to-do list than was reasonable. That, in and of itself, was not a big deal. What was a big deal was when I got upset that I didn't get it all done. My husband, bless his soul, caught on to my "problem" and helped me learn what a reasonable to-do list might look like. It was the first step on a long journey toward a slow life.

What he didn't know (well, maybe he knew), was that for YEARS I lied to him. He would ask me what was on my list of things to do and I would report a reasonable list - one that fit on a post-it note. My secret list, in fact, was much longer - like a scroll that would unravel for miles.

Fast forward several years. I have begun a dedicated Kundalini yoga practice (daily meditations plus once weekly classes with a teacher). I have two children. I want to slow down. I want to let go of my scroll of things to do and simply be. And I have. I do not allow the scroll to distract me, nor do I let myself become frustrated if I don't accomplish what I thought needed doing. I've slowed down and I like it....a lot.

That is not to say that I don't regress. My natural state is buzzing with ideas of things to do - make dinner, do lesson plans, blog, contact that children's book publisher, write science curriculum, start a completely unrelated hat business, and on and on.

But I have slowed down so much of my life that I notice the buzzing when it comes and I can know how important or urgent the buzzing is, set time aside for it, and manage my expectations for it. After all, denying my natural state of compulsive creativity would not be taking care of myself.

3. Self-Care

Homeschooling is not just a marathon, it is an ultramarathon. In order to sustain the role of homeschooling mom, I have had to bring a whole new level of commitment to self-care. This is my list of essentials for self-care:

1. Set realistic expectations for my children. Part of this was to set a routine and know which part of the routine is flexible and which is not.
2. Slow down. Slow down some more.
3. Morning meditation.
4. Evening walk.
5. Daily creative work.
6. Weekend recharge time (yoga, grocery shopping, longer walks, dates with hubby).

Those are the things I need to be (and to remain) patient, kind, flexible, and a good leader.

4. Child-Care

There are several differences between my son's public school experience and the homeschool experience but they can by boiled down to: caring and trust.

I trust that my son will learn. It might not be what schools define as the first grades standards - he might learn third grade math and pre-K social skills. But he will learn and learn in the most authentic way, the only way, learning happens. It will be self-directed and he learns/will learn what he wants to the degree he wants. It is the essence of self-directed education. My biggest job in this sense is to focus on his ability to learn and to express his learning in a way that makes sense for him.

Caring comes quite naturally to people who have the time and inclination to connect and build a relationship with someone else. For some people, nonviolent communication comes naturally (like my sister). For me, I had to learn about nonviolent communication and practice using it.

With Trust and Caring as the basis for how we homeschool, we then can search for and find a rhythm that balances our needs.

5. Recognize Happy Moments

The happy moments are not always overly animated. Here are some things I noticed this week and took the time to enjoy:

• As my daughter walked slowly home from the pool she said, "Rain must take a long time to get down here, flow in the rivers, and get to the ocean."
• After lunch my son cleared his plate without being asked. 
• My daughter colored quietly for an hour in her room.
• My son built LEGO alone in his room for an hour.
• After eating without complaining about the meal, my children ran off together to play.
• My kids left me alone for 15 minutes while I took a cat nap.
• My son said, "My new friend..."
• My daughter asked me, "How can I help?"
• My son thanked me for doing the laundry.
• My daughter wrote her name in cursive.
• My son read all the words on a page of his Minecraft book.
• We had LOTS of fun from splashing in puddles.

It has been a long time of learning about parenting and what works for my family that all these things can happen.

Because I have slowed down, I am able to be present in each of those happy moments and enjoy them....

6. Enjoy Happy Moments 

It has been a stressful year. In fact, in the fall I confessed to a friend that I really wanted to learn how to enjoy my children again. I could see my children in their best moments but I wasn't enjoying those moments. I was always caught up with what had to happen next...go to dance class, swing by the library, meet someone for a play date, gas up the car, cook dinner, baths and bedtime.

I am happy to say that since we disenrolled my son from public school his mental health and, consequently, his behavior has drastically improved. Our family life has improved along with it.

And since I re-committed to self-care, slowing down our lives, and setting reasonable expectations for our family, we are all better cared-for, happy, and dwelling in happiness.

--

For me, there is no single happiest, best, or favorite thing that stands towering above the rest. No holy grail of perfection. Only sitting with our lives as they are and accepting the opportunity and responsibility of teaching and learning with my child.

This was written as part of the GHF Blog Hop. Read more here...

Rediscover THIS Childhood Game

The door to the toy room swung lazily open. On the tips of my toes, I snuck quietly into the room, spun my back to the wall, and squeezed behind the door. Small voices called out, “eight, nine, ten!” Then the pitter patter of two sets of feet began to gently drum the tile floor.

A small gap held open by the hinges of the door did not give away my location but through it I could spy my children scurrying back and forth along the hall. As a toddler and a preschooler the 1800 square foot house must have felt enormous. And I can only imagine how liberating, exciting, and slightly scared they must have felt without my conspicuous presence.

It was so fun and so funny that I thought my smile might be too loud. So when they scurried past me for what seemed the gazillionth time I pretended to stifle a laugh. “Tee hee.”

Read the rest at Fat Brain Toys...

How to Stream Hundreds of Audiobooks for Free

In this new world of portable devices my family takes advantage of the flexibility of downloading audiobooks straight to my phone. Then we can listen to wonderful books whenever we are in the car. While I drive, my kids sit and stare our the window while we listen to everything from fantasy (A Wrinkle in Time) to historical fiction (The Magic Treehouse) to classics (Little House in the Big Woods). And as an added bonus, I can return books and check out new ones even when we are traveling across the country.

Almost all the parents I meet are interested to know that we stream for free from our library and so I'm writing this little guide for them (and for you). Here's what you need to stream hundreds of audiobooks for your family to enjoy...

Find Your Library
I dug around and found some sites that account for a lot of Colorado libraries. See:

• Across Colorado Digital Consortium
• Anythink Libraries (Rangeview Library District, Adams County)
• Flatirons Library District
• Pikes Peak Library District

Get a Library Card
You will probably have to take your ID and/or proof of residency to your local branch to acquire a card. But poke around on the website or call ahead to talk to a human so you arrive prepared.

The Overdrive App
- Download the Overdrive App
- Open Overdrive App
- Choose your library and enter your library card number

Find an Audiobook

1. Look in the "Collections" menu to find AUDIOBOOKS that are "Available now." It is as easy as it looks in the screenshot below:

2. Filter for Audience=Juvenile
3. Click on an available Book
4. Choose "Borrow" and "Add to App" to download the audiofile to your device.

5. Once you've downloaded an audiobook to your phone then you can listen to it anywhere. I play it through my car stereo. Go to your Overdrive Bookshelf. The icon looks something like this:

6. Tap on the book you want to hear. (Overdrive is smart and will remember where you left off.) It will begin to play.

You have the Audiobook for 21 days. If you finish early, then you can return it, delete it from your Overdrive Bookshelf, and go find another book! Yay! (You don't have to worry about late returns. Overdrive will cut you off automatically. However, before downloading a new book you will have to delete it from your Bookshelf.)

Four Books at a Time
You can have four audiobooks checked out at a time! That could mean upwards of 24 hours of listening if you have older kids.

However, for preschoolers I look for books that are less than four hours long. Here is my list of 66 Audio Stories for Little Kids. If you want more recommendations, just drop me a note in the comments! We have listened to many more and are constantly growing our list of recommendations!

Preschool Literacy: How to Write Stories with Preschoolers

Emilie Bushwald's popular quotation demonstrates the basis for much early childhood learning:

"Children become readers in the laps of their parents."

In fact, a lot of learning lies in a three-way relationship between the learner, the teacher, and the subject. So it stands to reason that children become writers with their parents, too.

The tricky part is that writing takes substantially more energy than reading because you are creating something brand new instead of consuming it.

Here are some tips for writing with your child...

Find A Story from Life
This summer something interesting happened: the bunny that lives at my daughter's preschool escaped. It was a perfect opportunity for us to use story-telling to understand the surprising news and to imagine what experience the bunny had had.

Your story does not have to be something as dramatic as the bunny escape. It just needs to be something that resonates with your child.

Start with Something Simple
Children's books are necessarily simple. The sentence structure and words are small, not complex, and descriptive. Getting started with a classic is good enough; I like to start the stories with "Once upon a time..."

Once upon a time there was a bunny named Marshmallow.

Build the story by describing the character, where the character lived, or what he eats or does.

Marshmallow lived at The Medley School.

He liked it there.

His home was safe and cozy...

Describe something interesting that happens to the character.

One night, after the children and teachers had left the school, Marshmallow escaped his home.

Use Sportscasting to Find more Words

In our case, Anna and I could walk around the school and imagine where the bunny had gone. I used the concept of sportscasting (stating the obvious), applying it to the bunny, to continue the story:

First he explored the playground.

Then he found his way to the garden gate.

You can continue with this idea of stating the obvious to guide the entire story.

Write it Down
This is the part that invites the back-and-forth part of teaching and learning. If you write the words down then the child sees how writing is an asset. He or she can carry the story around and share it with others!

Ask: "What happened next?"
It also slows things down and gives you a chance to include your child to tell the story. If you get stuck, ask your child, "what do you think happens next?" That is exactly how we got this line:

He squeezed under the gate and nibbled on a tomato and some green green grass.

Invite them to Draw or Color
Most preschoolers aren't writing many letters or words fast or well enough to keep up with their ideas. For the sake of story-telling, it is OK if you write and your child illustrates.

Bear in mind: the images don't necessarily have to be literal. Scribbling with crayons would be enough, I think. The important thing is that you and the child are going back and forth with the paper.

Opening the Floodgates

Our experience of writing together opened a floodgate. After writing "Marshmallow's Great Escape" together, my daughter wanted to create more books. She started pulling printer paper into small piles, folding them in half, stapling them together, and drawing. Then she'd ask me to write the story down that she had brainstormed. I suspect this could happen to you too. I hope it does. 

.......

Marshmallow’s Great Escape

By Julie and Anna Schneider

Once upon a time there was a bunny named Marshmallow.

Marshmallow lived at The Medley School.

He liked it there.

His home was safe and cozy...

...and the school children took good care of him.

Marshmallow’s way of saying “Thank you,” was to let the children pet his soft fur.

One night, after the children and teachers had left the school, Marshmallow escaped his home.

First he explored the playground.

Then he found his way to the garden gate.

He squeezed under the gate and nibbled on a tomato and some green green grass.

He nibbled the grass and hopped, nibbled the grass and hopped.

Before too long, Marshmallow had nibbled and hopped out of The Medley School garden, along Main Street, and all the way to Buccaneer Park.

When he looked up, he didn’t know where he was or how to get back to his safe and cozy home.

Luckily, a pack of wild bunnies hopped up to Marshmallow and invited him to join their pack.

They romped and played under the shade of the trees, darting between bushes and bouncing across the woodchip floor.

As the sun set, Marshmallow snuggled in the heap of fluffy bunnies. He was safe but he missed his friends at The Medley School.

The next day Marshmallow saw a friendly human with a small cage and a big juicy carrot.

The wild bunnies scattered to hide but Marshmallow hopped into the cage and began to nibble the big juicy carrot.

He was enjoying the carrot so much that he barely noticed his cage being moved onto a truck or from the truck to an animal shelter.

When he finally finished eating the big juicy carrot he looked up and saw Rebekah’s smiling face.

Marshmallow smiled back at Rebekah.

She took him back to his home at The Medley School where he patiently waited for the children to feed him and pet him and love him again.

THE END

Get Ready for Seuss-a-pallooza

Dr. Seuss was born on March 2, 1904. That means in a week readers all over the world will be celebrating Dr. Seuss's great contribution to the world. Here are a couple ideas for celebrating Dr. Seuss...

Ten Apples Up on Top 
"Ten Apples Up on Top" is one of the books that Dr. Seuss wrote using one of his other pen names: Theo LeSieg and someone else illustrated it (gasp!). I like the boardbook version for preschoolers...

After reading it, you might want to try balancing apples on your heads and otherwise stacking apple-like objects. Try any of these ideas:

Balloons (5")
Static Electricity
- Blow up the balloons.
- Rub a balloon all over your head, which will give it static cling.
- Stick it to your head!

Balloon Tower
- Blow up the balloons.

- Use loops of tape (or other ingenuity) to make a stack of balloons.

Paper
Perfect Posture (Think Walking with a Book on Your Head)
- Cut Paper Circles
- Place one paper circle flat on your head and walk across the room.
- Place more paper circles flat on your head and walk across the room.


Green Eggs and Ham
"Green Eggs and Ham" is a classic for a reason. The skepticism of not wanting to try a new weird food and the insistence by another person that "no, really! You'll love it!" is something that I think most people can appreciate...especially young children.

Why not make a tasting game out of it?! [Alert: I guess food allergies is a good reason. But surely, you can think of some safe foods to try...] After reading the book, offer new foods to try like star fruit, pomegranate seeds, or even a new combination like celery with peanut butter.

Tip: Something I learned from food therapy: tasting involves many senses. If they don't want to try it then they shouldn't have to. But there are smaller steps that just taking a bite. Maybe just smell the food, or lick it. Then if they are up for it they can take a bite!


The Cat in the Hat 
At some point, every young reader should get their hands on Dr. Seuss's revolutionary book "The Cat in the Hat." However, I am well-aware that the story sometimes inspires mischief. So if you want to read "The Cat in the Hat" and have an activity to go with it, consider having Hide and Seek, Fort Building, or some other childhood favorite.

If you want to kick it up a notch, then consider getting a Cat Hat for Adults or a Cat Hat for Kids for the leader of the activity to wear.

Or if everyone needs a Cat Hat, then you can get a whole bunch of Paper Hats.

The Great Doodler
I love learning biographical stuff from picture books. This book, Dr. Seuss the Great Doodler, provided us (ok, me) with as much info as we cared to know about the great man.

One of my favorite parts of his story is that he wrote and re-wrote, sketched and re-sketched. This is the part that I would use as a jumping off point for an activity with older preschoolers (or anyone for that matter). All you need is a timer, a pencil, some paper, and a simple drawing prompt. Then explore how creativity manifests differently given 10 seconds to draw versus 10 minutes to draw.

Still not sure? Watch this video to see what I mean...



For more ideas for celebrating Dr. Seuss, surf over to http://www.seussville.com/.

And I found this complete list of the books he wrote: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Seuss_bibliography

The Simplest Scissor Safety Tip Ever

Flowers are Pretty

I have always enjoyed watching young children discover flowers. In our family, dandelions have always been a first opportunity for them to touch and learn about flowers. As toddlers, my children would pluck the yellow heads off the plant and pull the yellow petals apart. Usually when they were doing that, I would pick them by the stems and make a small bouquet to offer.

I suppose that is how they learned to hold a flower by the stem.

Scissors!

At home, my children loved the power of scissors. As we learned our way around the tool, I found myself (like many parents I assume) worried when they walked with the tool in hand. "Where were they going?" you ask. Well, usually if they were walking with scissors it was because they had been working on a project and wanted to cut something. They left the table, walked to our art cart, got the scissors and turned to head back to their working spot. 

Independent Workers

I fast realized that my children are so confident in knowing what they want and sure that they can do it themselves that I would have to come up with some safety rules. I wouldn't always be able to be sitting with them and offering to fetch the scissors on their behalf, nor should I.

A Reasonable and Easy Safety Rule

The problem I faced was how to explain to a child the best way to hold scissors. As I demonstrated to hold the scissors by the blade, I looked at my hand. I saw how the scissors looked like a small bouquet of flowers and I knew I had it. I explained:

The safe way to hold scissors (when you are not cutting) is like this. 

Pretend the scissors are a flower. 

Here is the stem, here is the flower.

This rule was what came from using positive language combined with our experience of picking flowers. 

"Positive language?" you ask. In essence, you say what you want from your child instead of what you don't want. For example:

Instead of saying "No running!" you say "Use your walking feet!"

and now

"Hold the scissors like a flower."

You're Recycling Your Cans and Boxes Too Soon

Playing in the Pantry

Toddlers and preschoolers are often underfoot in the kitchen. They empty drawers, bang on pots and pans, and spill things (and sometimes even try to clean them up). Sometimes they even offer to help put away groceries (or get them out) by playing in the pantry.

It is a life skill, really. Putting food away so that it is easy and safe to retrieve. Precarious stacks of heavy canned goods or glass containers are seldom seen in a well-organized and highly used pantry. And your children can start learning how to put things away pretty early in life. 

However, you might not want their "help" in your kitchen. So, why not make them their own kitchen stash? 

Facepalm, or Lessons from the Children's Museum of Phoenix

I'm not suggesting that you buy a giant, albeit inviting, toy kitchen. Nor am I suggesting that you stock up on wooden or plastic toy foods. Instead, I'm inviting you to take a page out of the playbook used by the Children's Museum of Phoenix - do it yourself.

The grocery store exhibit at the Children's Museum of Phoenix uses recycled containers to stock their shelves.

Just like the ones I have sitting around at home...

Facepalm? Yeah, me too. 

The Flux of New and Old

As you empty the contents of boxes, remove the plastic bag from within and then tape the box closed. Wash out the milk containers, let them dry, and then glue their lids on. You don't even have to do anything to an egg carton (assuming none of the eggs broke). 

How to Open a Can...

The only tricky part piece is having the right can opener so you can recycle your canned goods. Many can openers leave a sharp-edged circle that would fall to the bottom of the can if you tried to re-attach it.

The OXO Good Grips Smooth Edge Can Opener solves the problem.

As you can see, the top of the can is removed and has a lip on it. You can take it off, wash it, dry it, and place it neatly back on the top of the can. 

...and Close it Up Again

A couple beads of superglue secures the lids just fine.

And if you feel like being fancy then you can drop a few dried beans or uncooked rice into the can before sealing it up. Then you'll have a can that also makes noise! (Certainly a good trick to have up your sleeve to re-invent the toy.)

Speaking of Tricks Up Your Sleeve

Another way to embellish the groceries is to stuff old herb containers with yarn, paper, or fabric.

And, I mean, who DOESN'T have a ton of bits of scrap paper laying around the house? It makes perfect ingredients. Have your kid cut the paper up into tiny pieces and make their own concoction. They could fill an old cracker box with paper crackers; they could make a rainbow soup; or who knows what. But whatever it is, it can be recycled.

Get Started 

How cool is it that you can extend the life of your canned goods by turning them into toys? 

I see two huge things I put in my parenting "win" column: First, my preschooler gets free and novel toys on a regular basis. Second, I can throw out (recycle) the toys with no sneakiness or guilt.

Here's how you can get started:

1. Buy a good can opener, some packing tape (optional), and superglue.
2. Go grocery shopping.
3. As you empty containers, wash them out and let them dry. 
4. Seal the containers shut.

You can stash the play groceries away for a rainy day surprise. Then you can say, "Let's play grocery store together!" and do a big reveal. 

Kick it Up a Notch

OK, OK. This post would not be complete without a way for your child to haul their new groceries around the "store." So, you might also be interested in a collapsable Grocery Cart...

...or a Grocery Basket.

Whatever version of this post resonates with you, be sure to keep it in mind for the upcoming indoor play season! And I'd love to hear how it goes!

{GHF Blog Hop} When It Becomes a Drag

There is a cartoon by Cathy Thorne that describes my experience as the parent of a twice exceptional child, as a human, and especially as a part-time homeschooler. It says "I love routine. Until I'm bored, then I love excitement. Until I'm overwhelmed, then I love routine."

Sound familiar? This conundrum is the basis for my best tips for when homeschooling becomes a drag...or, really, when anything becomes a drag.

First, Find the Source
I have found that the first thing to do when things begin to drag is to figure out why exactly things are dragging. (Duh? I know. But sometimes I need the gentle reminder to figure out the reason behind difficult situations.) Once I know the answer to "WHY?" then I can formulate an effective plan for how to get us out of our funk. To this end, these are some questions to consider:

1. For whom is it a drag? Me or them?
2. Is it a drag because of routine or because of overstimulation?

Once you've answered those two questions you will be able to come up with a plan for how to proceed. Here is how it works for me.

Answer Combo #1: I'm Sick of the Routine
A few weeks ago I was completely depressed about the relentless post-dinner routine. Every evening at 5:30PM I feel myself change. EVERY. EVENING. AT 5:30PM.

Nevertheless, I ride the routine. Finish dinner. Clean kitchen. Clean dining room. "No, you may not do computer research after dinner." "Yes, you can take as many piano lessons as you like." Bath time. Fold laundry. Brush teeth. Read books to kids. Sometimes there is yelling...by me, by them.

Until one day I just couldn't even ride the routine again. I didn't clean. I didn't parent bath time. I sent a text message to my husband and asked him to please come home earlier than his typical 7PM return. I asked the kids (ages 7 and 4) to leave me alone and I snuggled in my bed with a novel. When my husband got home, he did the whole shebang.

Tips for when you are dragging because of routine: 

• Ask for help. 
• Recharge.  
• Know that it will change. If you are feeling down because of the routines of the work of life and the work of homeschooling then that's OK. It is human nature to have energy cycles. However normal it is, it is equally important that you don't get bogged down, or "diminished" to the point that you can't do your work. 

Answer Combo #2: I'm Overstimulated
Every Sunday morning I go to yoga. Then I do the grocery shopping for the week and return home in time for lunch. Every time I walk in the door I go from quiet alone time to loud together time. My husband is fiddling with something, the kids are squirrely from the transition, I'm showered in other people's energy.

A few months ago I realized that I was having a really hard time with Sunday afternoons because I was overstimulated. What I wanted was for us to have a relaxing Sunday afternoon together but that isn't really the family I have. "Relaxing" rarely describes our household. There is always bouncing, laughing, yelling, arguing, running, crying, playing, spinning... You get the idea.

So I started a new routine. On Sundays, after I have unloaded and put away the groceries, we have a family outing. We all leave the house. By moving our family's energy, I am able to reduce the stimuli, feel better, and parent better.

Tips for when you are dragging because you are overstimulated: 

• Reduce the stimuli.
• Change the environment. (Turn off the background music, turn off the lights, clean the floor, etc.)
• Leave the environment. (Much easier than cleaning.)

Answer Combo #3: They are Sick of the Routine
Our routine weaves together the work of life and playful self-directed learning. So if I think my kids are dragging because they are sick of the routine, I wonder which part of the routine is failing.

Is it the meals and subsequent clean-up? Or is our learning contract somehow failing to meet our needs? Either way we are not bound hard-and-fast to stick it out if it isn't working. We change something about our routine.

Tips for when they are dragging because they are sick of the routine: 

• Eat outside on the patio.
• Pack a picnic meal and eat at a playground, museum, or other out-of-the-home venue.
• Eat at a restaurant.
• Invite friends to enjoy a meal with you.

• Find a supplement to the self-directed learning routine. 
• Buy a new toy, game, CD, or book. 
• Go to a new exhibit at a museum or zoo.
• Volunteer at a new non-profit.
• Shelf the learning contract and go camping.
• Shelf the learning contract and do whatever they want. It is called having a "yes day."

Answer Combo #4: They are Overstimulated
The signs are easy to see. When my son is overstimulated he begins to stim, he begins to wander aimlessly and seemingly without being aware of his surroundings, and if his stimming or wandering is interrupted he explodes angrily. It happens in loud places, it happens in places that are not loud but are noisy, it happens even when it is quiet but there is a background din of quiet conversations. He can cope for a short amount of time but when he hits his limit, he REQUIRES attention and a change. These are the changes that work for us...

Tips for when they are dragging because they are overstimulated: 

• Reduce the stimuli. (turn of noises, lights, and reduce clutter.)
• Change the environment. (Clean.)
• Leave the environment.
• Last but not least: Reconnect. This is the most important one for us and the favorite way of reconnecting is through story-telling. We define story-telling pretty broadly. Sometimes play board games, other times we build imaginary worlds out of blocks, magnetic tiles, and LEGO and lead mini-figures on an adventure, sometimes we simply pile on the couch and read.

The Panacea
The one thing that works without fail in every circumstance it to get outside. Sometimes we are dragging so deeply in the ground that it feels like a heroic parenting effort to get the children into the fresh air but it is worth it every time. Wait, that bears repeating: it is worth it every time.

Tips for getting outside:

• Pack easy sustenance, fast. Fill water bottles  half-way and shove a couple snack bars in your pocket. 
• Help your children put on their socks, shoes, coats, and hats. Don't expect a heal-dragging threenager to do it herself. 
• Go somewhere close. Find a playground, park, state park, or trail nearby. That way the drive in the car, which is often filled with bickering and whining, isn't unbearably long.
• Consider treasure-hunting (geocaching).  

Those are my tips on how to cope when it is a drag (whatever "it" may be). I'd love to hear your approach to the routine/overwhelm paradox...


For more tips on what to do when homeschooling is a drag, surf over to the GHF Blog Hop.

Our Learning Contract

On the long days of the winter break our entire family was stuck indoors due to gloomy freezing wet weather. My husband and I felt inclined to set the kids in front of the TV and rest. But we also are weary of the effects of screen time on our children and conservative when it comes to allowing them to binge on screen-based entertainment. 

In yet another effort to compromise, we came together to discuss a plan. My kids made it clear that they would like to play iPad games and watch the Magic School Bus on Netflix. My husband and I wanted them to not become vegetables and to enjoy some other forms of stimulation. So together we came to agree on four important daily activities: 

Music Performance,

Reading,

Exercise (Preferably Outside), and 

Story-telling.

Each the the four things must happen before they are allowed screen time. It is our Learning Contract and provides just the right amount of structure to our days.

Music Performance

There are two ways this usually manifests:

1. Piano Lessons (free online lessons via The Hoffman Academy)

2. Musical Performances (they dress up and put on a musical show, depicted below)

Prof Bunson and Prof Erlenmeyer perform "Fossil Fuels" from the 21st Century Energy Superheroes album.

Reading

There are three ways this happens:

1. I read to them.

2. They read to themselves.

3. We all listen to an audiobook.

Exercise

Exercise can be spontaneous or directed. If they are moving their bodies then it counts. These are the ways our family exercises:

1. Playing at the playground.

2. Following along with a yoga DVD

3. Yoga Class

4. Karate class

5. Dance class

6. Hiking

 

Storytelling

This is the most diverse and loosely defined aspects of our Learning Contract. It has at its core the idea of communication - the having and sharing of ideas. Here are some of the things that I count as story-telling:

1. Literally story-telling. Sitting together and weaving a fictitious story about creatures from their books or favorite TV shows.

2. Playing board games.

3. Building with blocks, magna tiles, and LEGO to create entire worlds for their mini-figures to explore.

4. Building forts.

5. Painting.

6. Writing secret codes.

7. Coding in Scratch Jr.

8. Playing Hide and Seek

The structure that our Learning Contract provides fits our family. It provides just the right amount of direction and, as it turns out, fills our days with interesting and rich conversations. It also makes space for screen time because when we're all worn out from performing, exercising, reading, and storytelling, we can sit back, relax, and laugh along with the stories told to us on film.

How to be Creative When You're Not Creative

Togetherness. We love it. There are few things sweeter than hearing my four-year-old daughter ask, “Mama, will you play with me?”

It usually happens after she has been entertaining herself while I have been cooking. But that is kind of an awkward time because I am tiring out from the work of life and wishing for some downtime at the same time she’s craving attention and running out of her own creative power.

Make the Dolls Talk!
In fact, her request is almost always, “Will you make the dolls talk?”

This type of pretend play is a wonderful and important part of development. The back-and-forth of conversation between the dolls is an important lesson in communication and turn-taking. The subjects we discuss lend themselves well to social-emotional learning. Plus, it is fun.

However, sometimes my daughter is just spent and my job is to bring all the creative power to the play. I have to be creative when I am not feeling creative.

Read the answer at Fat Brain Toys...

Avant Garden: Seven Botanical Sculptures Inspired by Haute Couture

Vacation Tradition
Whenever we visit Ann Arbor, we make a trip to the University of Michigan Botanical Gardens. In the summers we spend most of our time in the Children's Garden building and exploring. In the winter, we look forward to the original exhibits in the conservatory.

Exhibits in Nature
This year's exhibit did not disappoint. I wandered through the conservatory with my little family, my mother-in-law and my sister and her husband. The theme? Fashion. We walked up and down the paths in search of seven fantasy outfits made from plants and organic materials. To our delight and surprise, there were a dozen other small treasures to spy - tiny dresses that could fit in the palm of my hand made from silk florals and imitation berries, bark, etc.

To Share with You
Since we're big fans of exploring nature, I had to share this discovery here, with you. (I asked permission to share these pictures with the staff at the gardens.) So without further adieu I offer you images from the University of Michigan's Avant Garden...

Avant Garden

Weaving Fashion & NatureTogether

Avant Garden brings to life the connection between plants and fashion. Seven fantasy outfits adorn the conservatory, each incorporating plant materials such as succulents, Spanish moss, ferns, and poinsettias. The result is topiary couture that ignites the imagination. Permission to try this at home!

Below are the fairy-sized garments we spotted on our journey...

Last but not least... This isn't fashion inspired per se but a fairy-sized castle made out of empty sparkling water cans screams "PRINCESS ENGINEERING!"

Setting the Tone for the New Year
I love everything about these treasures offered by the University of Michigan Botanical Gardens. The way they weave together art and nature echoes how they weave together knowledge and whimsy, which I think are key features for inviting people of all ages to explore, to learn, and to celebrate creativity. And I cannot think of a better way to celebrate the beginning of the new year.

Happy New Year!